It's official.

I've become one of those annoying sappy mush balls. I love my boyfriend. He's kind, cute, funny, a big ole brat, and has adorable patches of grey hair which he despises (making him all the more stinkin' adorable)... craaaaaaaaaap. I'm in trouble now. :)

Yeah, though I walk through this life,

near bare,

ensconced in the shroud of life held open,

barren by it's thorn torn veil,

I will fear no evil,

as I tread in tempered,

somber footsteps,

laid before me,

by those who paced a track well scored and carried,

whose vicissitudes were oft uncertain but ne'er taken lightly.

...... I already hate this week and it hasn't even started. Thanks, finals.

Just another lazy Sunday. Leftover fried rice + tortellini + Netflix = good times. Soooooooo much crap to do tonight and tomorrow, though. Eff.

A MANUAL TO ME.

After some funny ass chatting tonight.... I decided to make an effort-full guide to pleasing yours truly.

I'm soooooo the easiest chic on the planet to figure out.

• 1. I like junk food and trashy making out.
• 2. I'm not too kinky, but I adore lingerie and steak.
• 3. Keep me fed = keep me happy.
• 4. I need like, 1 date a week, and I just mean shit that doesn't involve me touching my phone or email or you being on your phone or email.
• 5. You better have a job, nuff.
• 6. You better have some goals and aspirations, even if they're long term. Get a plan.
• 7. I don't like religion. I don't think these conversations ever go well, and I don't believe it's a prerequisite to being a good person.
• 8. That's right, I don't like the kiddos. Not sure I want em. If I can imagine having kids with you, you're in trouble, because my insides have probably turned to goop and I'm in love with you.
• 9. Don't ever tell me to do anything. I will bitch you out.
• 10. Don't ever suggest that I change something about my body, my face, my hair, etc. You will be promptly escorted from the premises, and if we're at YOUR premises, I hope you have insurance.
• 11. I bake, I knit, I mend clothes, I can clean. Yes, I'm just as awesome as your grandma.
• 12. Don't complain when I 'therapist' you.... it's what I do. There's no shut off switch.
• 13. Men in uniform are always going to make my jaw drop. If you don't have one, consider it an investment... like classic, high quality lingerie. It won't stay on for long, but you'll be glad you forked out the cash.
• 14. I love random little gifts, notes, writing on my dirty car windows, cutesy shit that guys seem to forget after HS. Trust me, that goes a long way and will save your ass should you ever trip up.
• 15. I can drink with the best of them, but don't ever ask me to. I don't like to be drunk, I don't like to take shots, I don't drink very often over one glass. If you like to a lot, there's a problem, and it's you.
• 16. Yes, I have a cat. Yes, he is badass. Yes, I like him more than you. Hint: don't diss him.
• 17. My mom is fucking awesome. If you don't think so, you better STFU or GTFO.
• 18. I love to sit around the house and watch movies whilst pigging out on veggies, fruit and cookie dough. It's a well balanced diet.
• 19. I hate drugs. Any and all. As well as drama, baby momma or otherwise. If you're a bitch in men's clothing, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
• 20. I am active, but I hate hitting the gym. Hot yoga, kick boxing, walking the beach, hitting the tread, playing soccer = ALL VIABLE OPTIONS. Circuit training, running my ass off on the beach, hardcore winter sports, extreme sports ala sky diving = NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
• 21. I like most music, but I don't like crap. Lady A, Miranda Lambert, Creed, Daughtry, Adam Lambert, Kelly Clarkson, ETC, can die a fiery i tunes death.
• 22. I am old fashioned. You call me. You mail me. You make the moves. You ask me out. I don't sleep around. I don't say OMG I LOVE YOU 6 dates in. You will never get me to just 'put out' after dinner because you paid. BTW, you better pay on a date. I don't mind once we're dating but if you want me to even consider you as a prospective, responsible, reliable, male, you better be a MAN.
• 23. Yes, I have dated ladies. No, you can't watch or have me tell you all about it. Remember? Not kinky.
• 24. I dress very nice.... in public. At home, I am a pajama bum. If you think I dress too nice (yes, I have heard this), shut up, and take pride in your girlfriend being damn fine. This concept is similar to: DON'T BITCH WHEN I WEAR HEELS. I am quite aware that I am tall. No it's not changing, no I can't make your penis bigger, no I don't care why you care.
• 25. I am a cheap date. In-N-Out, Santana's, whatever. Don't flash your money. I don't have a ton, don't rub it in. I pay out the nose for my education, and thus, my pocket suffers.
• 26. Please don't be immature. Snot jokes, pervert jokes and scatological material is best left in the bathroom or in 4th grade. Grow up, plz, k, thanks.
• 27. When I ask for your opinion, I'm likely asking for you to lie and agree with me. Unless I say 'C'mon, really!!' LIE, MAN, LIE.
• 28. My T&A is not going anywhere, you don't have to stare at it like it's going out of style.
• 29. Video games will get you no where in life and no where with me. Enjoy them in your leisure time, don't make it a lifestyle. Same goes for anime, manga, D&D and many other nerdy aspirations. Please, please, at least pretend to be a grown up.
• 30. Grad school is a huge time suck, true. I am likely smarter than most in many ways, true. Do I think you're lame because you didn't go to grad school? NO. Do I think you're lame because you're not a psycho genius? NO. Boys, please stop thinking your inadequate, or thinking that I think you're inadequate. These are called irrational cognitions and they're just not true. If I'm spending my time with you, I choose to do it, not because I have SOOOO much free time, and not because I need to fill my sad lonely 10 extra minutes a week with a guy, but because I care to know you and spend time with you. So buck up and recognize.

I just want to be a tai tai. How hard is that? Wtf kind of degree and luck do I need? Ugggggg. Come on fate, help a sistah out.

GRAD SCHOOL FUCKING SUCKS.

.... in case that didn't come off angry enough, imagine me screaming with a neon red face and flames shooting from my eyeballs. fucking screw grad school. if i don't get a break soon, i will seriously crack.